Good Old Mildred (Or why The Worst Witch was the best of them all).

Tuesday 31 October 2017

I'll begin with a disclaimer: I think Hermione is a feminist icon for the ages just like everyone else. I doubt I can properly articulate (at least not here, writing from a commuter train on Halloween morning) how important it was for girls to see a protagonist who put books over boys; who’s power was in her intelligence; who was fierce and fearless and somehow became the coolest girl in the world without ever losing any of her nerd power. I love her. She’s brilliant. My favourite witch, though? Nah. Not even a competition.

As a young (we’re talking like 7?) kid just learning to get lost in a book, The Worst Witch series was absolute grown-up-reader goals. There were loads, it seemed, and they were long and weighty; holding one of those books made you feel like something real was happening. If I could finish those (particularly the really thick green one) I’d surely be qualified to dedicate my life to reading books or something? Also maybe they’d give me some top witchy tips, which was every young girls dream, right? So I started.

Of course I loved Miss Cackle and Miss Hardbroom. The bit where the girls got their cats is the stuff of 90s-kid literary legend, and the so called “grand” wizard is an absolute joker, but this is not about them. This is about my fave witch of them all. The Worst one. Mildred Hubble.

I love that messy little spook. Here’s why.

She’s the worst.
It’s a trope you see everywhere now, I know, but good old Mildred was the first time I remember reading about the every-girl. The one who wasn’t very good at whatever-it-was (in this case being a witch. Lol. She was better than me) but managed to claw her way through anyway. None of it came naturally, so she worked as hard as she knew how. She was resilient and determined; a truly lovable underdog. In the world of Cackle’s Academy she was nobody’s favourite and that made her mine.

She made mistakes.
And in doing so showed us that’s alright, as long as you’re trying.  Also that mistakes can be hilarious and pretty damn karmic, like that time she accidentally turned Ethel Hallow into a pig. In all seriousness, though, who hasn’t got it wrong sometimes? Mildred showed us it was totally normal to feel crap and cry about it for a while, but with good friends and a tiny little kitten, you could get through it and try again tomorrow.

She’s inquisitive
She can’t resist walking straight in to trouble if she thinks it might help (or give her all the information). She’s like a Witch Detective, kind of ignorant to danger if she thinks she’s doing good. In the film (the best Worst Witch adaptation ever,  until I write the musical) she spies from the trees on Aggie and co’s creepy song and dance sesh about their new secret evil school. Fair enough it’s entirely by accident following a classic Mildred broomstick crash, but she doesn’t shy away. She stays. If it might help, Mildred will do it. She’s scared of so many every day situations, and fearless when maybe she’d do well to worry a bit. She’s (mostly unintentionally) a magnet for mischief, which means she’ll always have a brilliant story to tell. 

Nobody really knows how she got her magic.
One of the top Worst Witch related google searches is “How is Mildred Hubble a witch?”. She’s apparently the academy’s first student from a non-Witch background, which suggests she’s there just ‘cause she bloody well wants to be. Her ambition is inspiring. I’ve wished often I was better at going after the things I love but am rubbish at. So what if nobody knows how she got through the door? What matters is she’s there. 

She has a good heart.
Mildred Hubble is really kind. Her friends are important to her. She loves that tiny gorgeous kitten despite him not being like the others (because of it, even). She feels genuinely bad about the Ethel/Pig thing despite Ethel being a nasty piece of work most of the time. And because this is a children’s book, we’re told her kindness means she’ll win. Everything always seems to work out OK for Mildred, and that’s because she’s nice. Does life always work like that? Well obviously not. Is it nice sometimes, though, to be told it does? It’s the nicest. 

She’s a style icon, to be fair.
Slouchy boots and untied laces and dresses that hang a bit weirdly are the sign of a life lived freely, right? And anyway, everyone knows messy pigtails look much better than tight ones.

My mum always says JKR copied The Worst Witch, and while I don’t think that’s true I must concede that the original witch-icon for my generation was born probably before Hermione was even a seed. So thanks, Jill Murphy, for the best witch of them all. And seriously, about that musical...


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